While I'm here eating my breakfast and not typing up my contract notes I thought I'd share with you some observations. I mean, for what else does a blog exist? So here we go:
Hugs - a short analysis
I'm sure we all know what hugs are and, unless you're completely covered in spines and don't bathe, I'm guessing we've all experienced a hug at least once. For those of you who don't know, a 'hug' could be defined as 'an embrace', 'wrapping one’s arms around another person' or 'a group of teddy bears'. In this case I'm going to focus on the first two meanings, as interesting (and terribly cute) as the third meaning is. A hug is a form of expression of affection – you can hug friends, family, lovers, animals, trees and really anything else to which you wish to show fondness. Due to this wide range of huggable items there have naturally developed different hugging styles and rules. You would not hug a family member in the same way you would hug a lover (Tasmanian readers may feel free to ignore this rule) just as you would not hug a lover as a friend. In the next few paragraphs I’m going to concentrate on the difference between ‘hug types’, what you can generally tell from a hug and hug problems. Let us begin.
Hug types – the friend hug
Friend-hugging is a very prevalent trend in today’s society, decidedly more so than in past generations. All you need to do is look back through books such as The Great Gatsby, Pride and Prejudice (by Jane Austen, boys, JANE AUSTEN!), Moby Dick or Lord of the Flies to notice that friends didn’t hug each other hello or goodbye nearly as much as they do today. Back in “the day” hugging was a big thing, especially because it meant invading somebody’s personal space and letting them into yours. To hug somebody, especially somebody of the opposite sex, was just not the done thing and often quite scandalous. Ah the days when just hugging somebody would get tongues a-wagging… such a far cry from Jerry Springer. These days you have to have quintuplets with your father’s gender-confused third husband/wife only to find out that she is an ex-stripper having an affair with your best friend and cousin to get a bit of a media circus. But I digress.
In today’s huggable society it is common practice to hug a friend when saying hello and hug them when saying goodbye. The ‘friend hug’ as different from other sorts of hug has the following properties:
- Arms wrapped around somebody with hands placed anywhere from below the neck to half-way down the back
- Space between hips and lower bodies
- Head over the shoulder of the other person
- Relatively quick with a mutual ‘pull away’ point (as a general rule: the longer its been since you’ve seen someone, the longer you can hug them)
Depending on who you’re hugging, there may also be some back slapping (as in the male “I’m hugging you, but I could be hurting you. Hugging, but hurting, hugging, but hurting”). These properties of a hug, all unconsciously done, allow you to express to your friend that you like them as just that – a friend.
Hug types – the lover hug
Now when I use the term ‘lover’ I’m using it in that old sense – as meaning your current ‘more than a friend’ interest, your boyfriend/girlfriend. I don’t want people getting all confused here. So to cut a long story short, a lover hug often has the following properties:
- Arms wrapped around somebody with hands placed pretty much anywhere you like
- Hips and lower body pressed together
- Head placed over the shoulder/cheeks pressed together/under a chin etc etc
- Longer and tighter than a friend hug
These properties all make sense when you consider the difference between a friend and a lover. You are physically closer to a lover than to a friend and so more of your bodies will come into contact as your personal space is less ‘personal’.
Things you can tell from a hug
- Well there’s the obvious ‘You’re my friend’ (or ‘I have to pretend you’re my friend as I don’t want to socially ostracise you on this particular occasion but trust me its coming’)
- If a friend tries out a more lover-esque hug on you, they may be testing your reaction to becoming more than a friend
- If a friend who usually hugs you stops hugging you it could mean that a) they’re mad with you or b) they’ve started to think of you as more than a friend and are trying to hide it
- The longer and tighter the hug, the more a person is happy to see you
Hug problems
Sending the wrong messages via hugging –
I have a friend (I know!) and for some reason I feel uncomfortable hugging this friend. I finally figured out why the other day – they mix properties of the lover hug and the friend hug and there’s nothing more disconcerting than mixed signals. This friend hugs for just a little too long – past that mutual ‘pull away’ point – and brings their hips too close during the hug. This makes me want to move back a bit, which makes them move forward a bit and it makes for an uncomfortable and roving hug. These factors send mixed signals – does this person think of me as a friend or not? Of course they only think of you as a friend, but the hug always seems a little too… intimate. How do you fix this?
If running away from a hug screaming with arms flailing isn’t a viable option, then a light joke about their hugs should work pretty well.
And so there you have it. That’s my blog post for the month. I hope you found it interesting (and finishable). If you’ve got something to add, go ahead – I’d like to hear it. So with that, I’m going to do something constructive now.
Enjoy yourselves all,
C xo
