Proof irrefutable

I've finally done what no man or woman has done before - I have irrefutable proof that time is cyclical. “You’re crazy, Cait.” I hear you say, “There’s no way you can possibly prove that, you crazy crazy little thing!”

Firstly: hey, watch it. Don’t call me crazy. Find a thesaurus at least, jeese. But more importantly, let me lay my evidence before you.

Last month I downloaded a trial version of Norton Anti-virus for my computer – one of those ones that lasts for 30 days then expires and asks you to buy the product. Like any good cheapskate I am always on the lookout for some way to cheat the system and get free virus protection. So I think to myself, ‘is there any way I can trick the computer into thinking less than 30 days have passed?’ And then it hits me – what if I turn the computer’s clock back? Granted, the odds of this working are low; if the software designers out there haven’t already picked up on this little trick I would now be dutifully downloading free stuff and turning back the clock all over the place. But what the hey, it was worth a try. So I tried. I turned the clock back fifteen days – not too many, not too few. And bam! I get the message – the message that is my undeniable evidence that time is cyclical:

This product has been installed for 11300657 days. Please renew your subscription if you want to continue using our services.

I’ll give you a minute to let this sink in…

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I know!

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In 11300657 days it’s going to be the 28^th of October 2006 ALL OVER AGAIN. Can you imagine the ramifications of this?! It’s really going to screw around with future generations. In 11300657 days everybody alive on the 28^th is going to spring back and relive everything again. Maybe it’s already happened. Maybe it’s already happened lots of times. How would we know?? It seems computers are the only ones who can predict it – maybe even only *this* computer… Oh wouldn’t it suck though – I’m imagining a scene some 11300656 days in the future. Ridge (a swarthy Italian moon farmer) is confessing to Brooke (Second princess of the third moon of dwarf planet Saturn. Also his wife) that her daughter, Frank, in fact belongs to another man. It is three seconds to midnight and Ridge is divulging the secret that has been tearing him and his Siamese twin, Cliff, apart.

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“Brooke,” Ridge cries, “I have been lying to you for 17 moon years.”

Here Brooke gasps and grabs the back of a chair as the digital time-keeping machine on the wall begins to chime midnight.

“It’s about Frank. She’s not…” Dramatic pause. “She’s not your daughter. Frank’s real father is none other than-” BZZZZZZZZRRRRRTTT

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And it’s the 28^th of October again. Brooke will never find out who Frank’s real father is and I’ll be forced to type this post out over and over and over again for all eternity!

And the computers are the only ones who will ever know…

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Ok. That was a little crazy.

Well that’s enough epiphanying for me (I think I just made every English teacher I’ve ever had cry)

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Till later then and keep well,

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C
xo