Monday, December 18, 2006

Blinded by the light, revved up like a deuce another runner in the night

It's amazing how much your relationship with somebody you've never met, let alone seen, can change in the space of one song.
There is a builder next door.
He is building something.

He woke me up with his radio and power tools at 8am.
I hated him all morning. I hated him when I got up, I hated him when I went to the gym and I hated him when I sat in bed reading and being melancholy.
But now I love him.

There's nothing quite like listening to a builder sing along to 'Blinded by the Light' (with the obligatory 'douche' instead of 'deuce' because nobody really knows that line) and really get into it. It came onto his radio and he was away - voice breaking at the appropriate moments, completely mis-hitting the high notes... It was possibly the best thing I've heard all year.

He made me smile today and for that I thank him.

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Hey you, what do you see? Something beautiful? Something free?

Here, have a tiny poem.

One by one
down we fall
til there's no-one left
none at all

Sunday, December 10, 2006

They said 'aren't you that suicide bomber that blew up that bus last year?' I said 'no' They said 'yes' I said 'You're not thinking this through...'

I'm feeling too lazy to do any real posting today... but I shall... eventually.
For now you're just going to have to make do with a couple of my photos taken on my little old camera. I say 'little old' because Dad has given me his speccy camera for a christmas/birthday present and it is the most awesome thing
in the world! Anywho, enjoy and I will talk to you all later.

Best,

Caitlin


Bee

Tree Roots

Friday, November 24, 2006

Hey little bird, fly away home, your house is on fire, your children are alone

I've made a decision.
I'm going to become a hermit. It's quite an appealing option when you think about it - firstly, I won't have to deal with people (so there goes any need to look after my physical appearance or really care what I do and when I do it) and secondly, I figure once I go mad (which is inevitable as I see it) I won't get lonely because The Voices will be there to keep me company.
Its win-win really.

Sunday, November 12, 2006

I don't see no holes in the road but you

Passenger of mine oh
Passenger
my mind
aches
just for you
aches
it
adores you
I dream
and
you won't leave me
alone
just let me
go oh
please
Passenger
just leave
Passenger
just go
Passenger
oh please

please

We can't go on like this

I can't go on like this

Thursday, November 09, 2006

Like a harpoon, like a harpoon...

Where for art thou, oh my muse?

Sunday, November 05, 2006

Proof irrefutable

I've finally done what no man or woman has done before - I have irrefutable proof that time is cyclical. “You’re crazy, Cait.” I hear you say, “There’s no way you can possibly prove that, you crazy crazy little thing!”

Firstly: hey, watch it. Don’t call me crazy. Find a thesaurus at least, jeese. But more importantly, let me lay my evidence before you.

Last month I downloaded a trial version of Norton Anti-virus for my computer – one of those ones that lasts for 30 days then expires and asks you to buy the product. Like any good cheapskate I am always on the lookout for some way to cheat the system and get free virus protection. So I think to myself, ‘is there any way I can trick the computer into thinking less than 30 days have passed?’ And then it hits me – what if I turn the computer’s clock back? Granted, the odds of this working are low; if the software designers out there haven’t already picked up on this little trick I would now be dutifully downloading free stuff and turning back the clock all over the place. But what the hey, it was worth a try. So I tried. I turned the clock back fifteen days – not too many, not too few. And bam! I get the message – the message that is my undeniable evidence that time is cyclical:

This product has been installed for 11300657 days. Please renew your subscription if you want to continue using our services.

I’ll give you a minute to let this sink in…

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...


I know!

_

In 11300657 days it’s going to be the 28th of October 2006 ALL OVER AGAIN. Can you imagine the ramifications of this?! It’s really going to screw around with future generations. In 11300657 days everybody alive on the 28th is going to spring back and relive everything again. Maybe it’s already happened. Maybe it’s already happened lots of times. How would we know?? It seems computers are the only ones who can predict it – maybe even only *this* computer… Oh wouldn’t it suck though – I’m imagining a scene some 11300656 days in the future. Ridge (a swarthy Italian moon farmer) is confessing to Brooke (Second princess of the third moon of dwarf planet Saturn. Also his wife) that her daughter, Frank, in fact belongs to another man. It is three seconds to midnight and Ridge is divulging the secret that has been tearing him and his Siamese twin, Cliff, apart.

_

“Brooke,” Ridge cries, “I have been lying to you for 17 moon years.”

Here Brooke gasps and grabs the back of a chair as the digital time-keeping machine on the wall begins to chime midnight.

“It’s about Frank. She’s not…” Dramatic pause. “She’s not your daughter. Frank’s real father is none other than-” BZZZZZZZZRRRRRTTT

_

And it’s the 28th of October again. Brooke will never find out who Frank’s real father is and I’ll be forced to type this post out over and over and over again for all eternity!

And the computers are the only ones who will ever know…

_

_

Ok. That was a little crazy.

Well that’s enough epiphanying for me (I think I just made every English teacher I’ve ever had cry)

_

Till later then and keep well,

_

C
xo

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

Would I blow everyone's mind if I ate dessert first?

As I sit here, sipping water from my stolen airplane wine glass, I feel I've reached a turning point in my short life: Clothes have started to best me.

Or more specifically, pants.

Let me explain – I went pants-shopping on the weekend and, among other things, bought a pair of brand-spanking new 3/4 pants. These are no ordinary pants – these are the most comfortable pants in the world! They’re cotton and brown and fit just right so I can move without feeling pant replace vital organs, but today when I wore them to uni I started to realise something was not right.

It began thismorning on my usual mad dash from the parking-lot to my 8am stats lecture. I go to put my hands in my pocket and… hmmm… no pockets. But that’s ok because I don’t need pants that have front pockets, my hands can just as easily swing by my side as I walk. Sure, they’re a little chilly now, but hey it’s not like they’re going to drop off. Then, later this afternoon I go to put my phone into my back pocket – I lift the pocket flap and – nothing. I try the other pocket-flap. Again nothing. I spend the next five or so minutes turning in circles trying to find a pocket to put my phone in and at the end of it all I’ve only this to say: WHY THE HELL DON’T MY PANTS HAVE POCKETS?? They have pocket flaps, yes, but no actual bloody pockets. Where am I supposed to put my stuff?! And how on earth did I not realise the distinct lack of pockets when I bought them?! I blame the flaps. What is the use of a pocket-flap if it is not protecting the top a pocket? I ask you… what are things coming to when you can’t buy a ridiculously comfortable pair of pants that come with pre-installed pockets. What, are pockets optional extras now?
Jeese, between my pocket-less pants and my random-and-big-enough-to-fit-one-10c-coin-in-pocketed shirt, things just aren’t making sense any more…


Tuesday, October 10, 2006

It's Tuesday and I should be doing my linguistics assignment...

I have driver’s tan. The backs of my hands are brown… how did this happen?

(If anybody says 'driving' I reserve the right to keel haul you, k? K.)



- C

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

I was thinking more along the lines of 'ct'

A quick note:

Tripod are coming to Perth in December - let me know if you're up for it!!


Friday, September 22, 2006

And we shall blank them in the ambulances - a quick rant

I haven’t had a rant for a while, but now feels pretty right.

(Ahem)

Overgeneralising aside, why don't boys get interpreting subtlety?? I mean my god! It seriously isn’t that hard. It’s been part of human society for a good while now; you’d think they’d have picked it up.

Now, I don’t mean to sound bitter – oh what the heck, I’m obviously going to be screaming bitterness – but seriously guys. Pick it up. And use it.

A quick note on how to interpret subtlety –

  1. If ever a girl says anything to you ever, always look below the surface. Sometimes she means what she says but most of the time there’s a cake-full of layers sitting there hitting you around the head.
  2. If ever a girl does anything (or you notice a distinct lack of something) ever, well, see above.
  3. Now practice.

Please oh please don't make me do my crim assignment

... went to the movies on a Wednesday, went to the movies on a Thursday, went to the movies on a Friday...

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Bear with me here (slightly revamped)

This is the culmination of an overactive mind and note-taking for Criminal Law tomorrow. As you can see, I got a little distracted from chapter 17 and decided to write. So four or so hours later, here’s the result. Its one part truth, two parts fictitious exaggeration and three parts tired fluiness. But its either this or let it disappear into the bowels of my computer. So read on.


It has no plot, no title and the repetitive style probably means you’ll get half way and tune out. But I think that’s all part of it.


Who the bloody hell is she?
This is not an easy question to answer. Who am I? Really? For a while I’ve been mulling this over; letting it role around the inside of my head, onto paper alongside hot chocolates and morning sun. Is that person I talk to in the mornings, throughout the day and late into the night – that voice in my head – me? Am I that person who puts my car into neutral and lets my little brother push it out of the driveway just to see if we can? Am I that person who taught herself to grin lopsidedly in early high school? Who loves to laugh and fool around? Whose sense of humour is strange and quick and slightly twisted. Or am I that girl who stands so close to the mirror every morning and searches her own face while putting on foundation and concealer? And when I finish, is that me or just my daily mask staring back? That person who laughs and jokes and grins just to give the impression that she’s happy – to prove that she is fine. That person who even when she is not fine, even when she cried herself to sleep, will still laugh and grin and joke and fool, because that is who she wants to be. Because she collects the joker from the pack of cards.

Am I the girl who feels the eyes of the world so sharply on her every movement, even the eyes that aren’t turned her way? What must they think of me? And why do I care? The person who tells herself she is being stupid – they don’t care. They don’t care. So why do you?
Who dissects and analyses

Every.

Little.

Thing.

Until she is sure she’s done something so wildly embarrassing and what must people think of her? People don’t think of her. And is that worse?

Why didn’t you say that then? Where did your words go?

Who finds talking to strangers so exhausting, who finds talking to people so exhausting.

But who loves the people anyway.

The naive one, the innocent one. Takes so long to make friends, to open to people but once there would walk through fire for them. Who wouldn’t doubt their word. Who finds it so hard to let them out of her heart, because they proved themselves just by making it in. Who never loves by halves, never hurts by halves. Who exists to make others feel comfortable and wanted and happy. And smile at them, because somebody who smiles is an ally. We love dogs because they are so happy to see us – so why shouldn’t that work on people too?

Whose mind won’t stay still, is always writing stories, imagining scenes, wishing, hoping, fooling itself. Whose expectations are set too high, so that when things don’t meet them (and they don’t) she feels let down by the world around her. Or is she letting the world down herself?


What about that person who reads the horoscopes and hopes they’ll tell her what she wants to hear. Who so dearly wants to believe in a higher power; be it fate, be it Karma, be it God. But when all is said and done… there is still so much doubt.

The girl who feels so much but cannot show it. The girl whose heart stays firmly up her sleeve with those five aces because if nobody knows how she feels, its easier to pretend you aren’t hurt. Because isn’t being hurt a sign of weakness? And isn’t it better to show a lopsided grin or lighthearted grimace than to bother people with trivial things you can’t express in words alone.


Am I the person who likes to test the water first. Whose opinions change to align with others, unless she feels strongly enough about these things. Who always waits for invitation. Who believes in polite conversation and never putting people out. Who listens to opera, Sinatra, Metallica, Dire Straights, Something for Kate,
Linkin Park but never never rap. Except to dance to. Who loves to throw herself around the dance floor, even though she can feel uncoordination flowing through her every movement. Who stands back in front of that mirror and watches herself move to Black Eyed Peas or Old Blue Eyes. And loves the way it feels to move, wishing she could dance properly, but letting the music move her mind so she thinks she can. Who judges a song by its lyrics and wraps stories around the words as they flow. Who sings with her eyes closed when nobody is around.

And will talk to animals.

Am I the mumbler?

The joker?

The writer?

The analyser?

The romantic?

Is this even me? Or is this my insecurities, my affinity for melodrama talking?

Thursday, August 17, 2006

bugger it




Yup. That's it.

Saturday, August 12, 2006

Cop Out

Yes, I know it's a cop out to post poetry on your blog, especially when said poem isn't your own and is one, chances are, that all of you out there in internet land have read. Well, the educated part of internet land in the very least.
But I love this poem. Symbolism, rhyme, meter, its excellent use of imagery to invoke emotion, the way it portrays the fragile mind... Are you yet getting the impression that I studied it last year in lit?
_
It even has internal rhyme. I'm a sucker for a good interal rhyme (I love you Edgar Alan Poe)
_
In every way it is wonderful, it speaks to me.
I ask you to do me only one favour whilst reading it. When you get to the 'yellow smoke', will somebody out there tell me they see a dog and not a cat? Please?
_
Enjoy.
_
The Love Song of Alfred J. Prufrock
S’io credesse che mia risposta fosse
A persona che mai tornasse al mondo,
Questa fiamma staria senza piu scosse.
Ma perciocche giammai di questo fondo
Non torno vivo alcun, s’i’odo il vero,
Senza tema d’infamia ti rispondo.

Let us go then, you and I,
When the evening is spread out against the sky
Like a patient etherised upon a table;
Let us go, through certain half-deserted streets,
The muttering retreats
Of restless nights in one-night cheap hotels
And sawdust restaurants with oyster-shells:
Streets that follow like a tedious argument
Of insidious intent
To lead you to an overwhelming question …
Oh, do not ask, “What is it?”
Let us go and make our visit.

In the room the women come and go
Talking of Michelangelo.

The yellow fog that rubs its back upon the window-panes,
The yellow smoke that rubs its muzzle on the window-panes,
Licked its tongue into the corners of the evening,
Lingered upon the pools that stand in drains,
Let fall upon its back the soot that falls from chimneys,
Slipped by the terrace, made a sudden leap,
And seeing that it was a soft October night,
Curled once about the house, and fell asleep.

And indeed there will be time
For the yellow smoke that slides along the street,
Rubbing its back upon the window-panes;
There will be time, there will be time
To prepare a face to meet the faces that you meet;
There will be time to murder and create,
And time for all the works and days of hands
That lift and drop a question on your plate;
Time for you and time for me,
And time yet for a hundred indecisions,
And for a hundred visions and revisions,
Before the taking of a toast and tea.

In the room the women come and go
Talking of Michelangelo.
And indeed there will be time
To wonder, 'Do I dare?' and, 'Do I dare?'
Time to turn back and descend the stair,
With a bald spot in the middle of my hair —
(They will say: 'How his hair is growing thin!')
My morning coat, my collar mounting firmly to the chin,
My necktie rich and modest, but asserted by a simple pin —
(They will say: 'But how his arms and legs are thin!')
Do I dare
Disturb the universe?
In a minute there is time
For decisions and revisions which a minute will reverse.

For I have known them all already, known them all —
Have known the evenings, mornings, afternoons,
I have measured out my life with coffee spoons;
I know the voices dying with a dying fall
Beneath the music from a farther room.
So how should I presume?

And I have known the eyes already, known them all—
The eyes that fix you in a formulated phrase,
And when I am formulated, sprawling on a pin,
When I am pinned and wriggling on the wall,
Then how should I begin
To spit out all the butt-ends of my days and ways?
And how should I presume?

And I have known the arms already, known them all—
Arms that are braceleted and white and bare
(But in the lamplight, downed with light brown hair!)
Is it perfume from a dress
That makes me so digress?
Arms that lie along a table, or wrap about a shawl.
And should I then presume?
And how should I begin?
. . . . .

Shall I say, I have gone at dusk through narrow streets
And watched the smoke that rises from the pipes
Of lonely men in shirt-sleeves, leaning out of windows?…

I should have been a pair of ragged claws
Scuttling across the floors of silent seas
. . . . .

And the afternoon, the evening, sleeps so peacefully!
Smoothed by long fingers,
Asleep … tired … or it malingers,
Stretched on the floor, here beside you and me.
Should I, after tea and cakes and ices,
Have the strength to force the moment to its crisis?
But though I have wept and fasted, wept and prayed,
Though I have seen my head (grown slightly bald) brought in
upon a platter,
I am no prophet — and here’s no great matter;
I have seen the moment of my greatness flicker,
And I have seen the eternal Footman hold my coat, and
snicker,
And in short, I was afraid.

And would it have been worth it, after all,
After the cups, the marmalade, the tea,
Among the porcelain, among some talk of you and me,
Would it have been worth while,
To have bitten off the matter with a smile,
To have squeezed the universe into a ball
To roll it toward some overwhelming question,
To say: 'I am Lazarus, come from the dead,
Come back to tell you all, I shall tell you all' —
If one, settling a pillow by her head,
Should say: 'That is not what I meant at all.
That is not it, at all.'

And would it have been worth it, after all,
Would it have been worth while,
After the sunsets and the dooryards and the sprinkled streets,
After the novels, after the teacups, after the skirts that trail
along the floor —
And this, and so much more? —
It is impossible to say just what I mean!
But as if a magic lantern threw the nerves in patterns on a
screen:
Would it have been worth while
If one, settling a pillow or throwing off a shawl,
And turning toward the window, should say:
'That is not it at all,
That is not what I meant, at all.'
. . . . .

No! I am not Prince Hamlet, nor was meant to be;
Am an attendant lord, one that will do
To swell a progress, start a scene or two,
Advise the prince; no doubt, an easy tool,
Deferential, glad to be of use,
Politic, cautious, and meticulous;
Full of high sentence, but a bit obtuse;
At times, indeed, almost ridiculous —
Almost, at times, the Fool.

I grow old … I grow old …
I shall wear the bottoms of my trousers rolled.

Shall I part my hair behind? Do I dare to eat a peach?
I shall wear white flannel trousers, and walk upon the beach.
I have heard the mermaids singing, each to each.

I do not think that they will sing to me.

I have seen them riding seaward on the waves
Combing the white hair of the waves blown back
When the wind blows the water white and black.

We have lingered in the chambers of the sea
By sea-girls wreathed with seaweed red and brown
Till human voices wake us, and we drown.
--T.S. Eliot
_
To all of those going out tonight - have fun.
And to all of those curling up in bed and watching TV that they would never publically admit to watching - god speed. I'm there with you.
_
- C

Friday, June 16, 2006

I think I'm going to miss George Bush...

Georgie, georgie, georgie, sometimes you really make my day...
http://www.wonkette.com/politics/video/jon-stewarts-take-on-the-presidential-faux-pas-181018.php

Note: Watch the video first, read the text after... it'll only spoil it otherwise.

Its cut off at the end there, but what really makes it for me is the "ah, touche"... Check out the other videos if you want to hear it.

Right. Enough procrastinating. Back to the books.

C.

Wednesday, June 07, 2006

If I could give you one piece of advice...

... It would be: NEVER make icing when wearing black pants.
Seriously.

Friday, May 19, 2006

Doors

Hello all!
The following is something I wrote for a competition last year and, having read over it again, is a very good example of my inability to write anything 'normal' or that can really be described as a 'story' per se.
Anywho - have a read and tell me what you think... I'm still trying to figure out what on earth it's really about so any help would be fantastic!

Cheers,
C.

Doors

I am terrified of doors. Closed doors. The place where wooden frame touches wooden frame. Even here, at work (where I am getting along so well now), the very sight of a closed door means that I won’t be able to concentrate for the remainder of the day.

I think it is what is beyond them that scares me. Or that I do not know, or particularly want to know, what lies on the other side. Their heavy wooden bodies, their frosted panes, hide things from me. Important things.

I don’t know why I am scared of doors.
Perhaps something happened to me once.

Maybe it was that one time in my childhood when I opened the door on my Father and his new secretary that left me with my fear of closed doors (although I don’t like to call it my
childhood
because I don’t remember ever being one of those children you see in the ads).
Or perhaps in my later life when I refused to open the door that led into my mother’s sickbed. Perhaps it was then when, after my mother died and left me feeling guilty and ashamed inside, that I started to watch the doors.

None of the doors were numbered back then.
Every one of them was still naked dead-wood.
Now the naked doors have dead-locks.

I am terrified of doors and wary of opening them.

-----------------------

I think my hair is thinning. You cannot see it yet but I know it is leaving me. My hair is thinning and I am standing in front of a door.
This is not just any door. It is a closed door.
This is not just any closed door; this door leads to Ben’s office.
Once this door was a tree - a giant of the forest. Now it is a door; a door with a tarnished brass knob and two pale opaque windows.
I move my head (complete with thinning hair) to look through one of the frosted panes. A dark shape moves within.

-----------------------

I am inside. Mr Benjamin Wellington is sitting at his desk.
(I like Ben’s name – Ben-ja-min Well-ing-ton – it rolls off the tongue, it has a special rhythm and rhyme all of its own.
Ben-ja-min Well-ing-ton
Ben-ja-min Well-ing-ton)
He is looking at me. I have not knocked, I do not need to knock – Ben always knows when I am at his door.
I do not say anything. He too does not say anything but only looks at me.

Finally:
“You” he says.
“Yes.” I reply.
You have an appointment?

“You called me, Ben”
He eyes darken as I make my first mistake. I am not to use his nick-name. That is not how it is today.
“Sorry.” I lower my eyes and sit in the chair opposite the desk. The chair is old and padding shows through the join where seat meets base. Benjamin – as I must call him now - shuffles through the files on his desk and finally selects one of the plain manila envelopes. He manages to make this threatening, although I know he does not mean it to be. Not yet.
He looks at me.
I called you here to talk about your progress
.”
I nod.
You know we’re under inspection this quarter, don’t you.”
This is not a question but I nod anyway.
It is important that we do well this year. We cannot afford any weak links in the chain of command.”
“I know.” And I do. I understand this. Weak links break the chain.
Benjamin continues,
You know, then, that it will be necessary for me to make a few, select staff cuts.

I sit very still and hope he will move on but he is still looking directly at me.
I’ve been reading through your file and have found something that worries me.”
I try not to blink too much.
It seems to me that your expenditures are exceeding your profits by a sizable margin. In fact, this has been the case for quite a number of months now. Is there anything you think you ought to be telling us? Any reasons you can give the company at all?”
There are no reasons. But it is not my fault.
I tell him this.
“It is not my fault.” I say.
He looks at me for a moment, closing the folder carefully.
Everything indicates that I should let you go.”
“It is not my fault.” I say again, louder this time.
“I don’t have the right resources or the right staff at my disposal.”
(which I don’t, and haven’t for a long time now)
“Ben, you know the company is trying to faze me out. They think I’m obsolete – they don’t want me around any more. Please Ben, I will try harder. I will…”
Mr. Wellington sighs and rocks back slightly on his chair.
Listen…”

This is not how it goes. This is not even necessarily what is on the other side of the door.

I think this is how I hope it might go.

I wish I could be more forceful. I wish I could stand up for myself.

I wish I could open the door.

-----------------------

“It is interconnected with your fear of change. You are projecting your fear into solid form – it is not the door itself that scares you, but the thought that by opening it you are somehow, somewhere changing something.”
I cannot count the number of times my doctor has told me this. I will be sitting on the glossy leather couch in her office as she reclines in her chair opposite me, looking intent and pretending to take notes.
She is often eating – a sandwich, cold pasta or something from a clear Tupperware container. I come here once a week to tell this woman my feelings and she is here once a week to pretend to listen to them.
“You are not afraid of the doors themselves, but the commitment of opening them.”
This belief on her behalf is neither original nor new.

“Commitment! You just can’t bring yourself to do it, can you!?”

This is my wife. She is packing a suitcase.
“You never could…”
Her voice becomes choked as she pushes the lid closed with a jerk. The latches click into place and she places her hands on the hard casing.
“I should have listened to my mother - she told me you were a bad idea.”
I don’t know whether or not I should cross my arms.
I’m leaving you. I am finally leaving you. What do you have to say about that?”
She is not leaving me.
Every year, around promotion time, my wife decides to leave me. She packs her bags, collects our son’s jacket and then… nothing.
“You are afraid of commitment, do you know that?! Whenever you see the slightest possibility that a concrete decision needs to be made you take off in the other direction!”
I cross my arms as she walks towards the door.
“You don’t understand,”
She pauses, hand on doorknob and her voice changes.
“I understand enough to know that this can’t go on. I can’t do it any more. I can’t…”
The door closes.

and I am on the wrong side of a closed door.
“I…”

Am terrified of closed doors.

-----------------------

I don’t like my jacket. It is sickly brown with patches on the elbows and a single breast pocket. The woman who sold it to me told me it suited me, but I think she was lying. Perhaps she was working on commission. Like me. And like her I must lie and cajole and flatter and lie to make a profit and keep my job. And my lunch.

The sandwich girl has not come in today. I can’t help thinking that something bad has happened to her. Perhaps, as she was crossing the road outside… and the truck barely swerved on impact...
Every day, at 12.05 the sandwich girl enters the building, through the revolving doors and climbs the stairs to floor seven where she delivers my ham and cheese sandwich. I do not know her name – she has never told me (and I can’t help thinking it’s because of something I did to her once – but what??) And every day, without fail, I have a ham and cheese sandwich on the worn writing-board of my desk to pick at, look at and ultimately place in the waste-paper basket beside my chair.

Maybe she is stuck in the revolving door that leads into the foyer –

flying around and around and around and around and around and around, alone but for my ham and cheese…

That is why I use the fire
escape at the back of the building – it is less likely to catch me.
-----------------------

The dark shape is starting to get to me. I can see it. Hovering around
Ben-ja-min Well-ing-ton’s desk. I wish he would open the door for me.
I know that if I stand here long enough, or if I knock loud enough, I will not have to open the door myself. The shape approaches. Slowly at first, unsure, then as he recognises the shape of my thinning hair, quickly and with determination Ben-ja-min Well-ing-ton throws open the door.
“Hello! How long have you been standing there? Didn’t you hear me call you in?”
I mumble something in reply.
Next time just
open the door – it’s not like its going to bite!”
Ben spins and walks into his office, laughing.
I follow – but it isn’t getting bitten that I worry about.
No.

That is not it at all.

Monday, April 24, 2006

Captain's Log: stardate Monday, 24 April 2006

Don't ask. I don't know.

Well well well, its been a while na ja? Tonnes of stuff has happened since the last ... oh bugger it, this never comes out the way I want it to - I always get the need to write when I'm outside feeding the budgies or watering the plants or some such thing and as soon as I get in front of the computer everything just vanishes. Okeydokes from now on I'm just gonna write stuff down as I think of it.






hmmm that didn't go as well as I'd planned it.

I've noticed something recently though - I'm a control freak when it comes to writing plays. Random, but its been on my mind. Too many stage directions, that's my problem. But luckily Jess told me recently that they're taught to ignore stage directions in acting school unless they're really important... so I'm just going to bold all my stage directions from now on. That or stick to writing stories. Am contemplating putting Doors up so people can tell me what on earth it is about... ok. Will publish if this entry gets atleast one comment (amnotdesperate) Moving on. I got an email from Flea up in Germany today which was nice - she's going to see the Lion King (damn!) so am sorely tempted to ask her to bootleg it for me... plan? I think so.

Am still in a ridiculously smiley mood, its definitely been a good week.

Saturday
Saturday before last was fun - managed to find to AWB building, reignited my longing for a trick-kite, went bowling with a bunch of friends (I have no upper arm strength! Why do I bother going to the gym?) and it was good, if I'm ever in a bowling championship... stop laughing... I know the team I want. After that we were meant to go back to Mike's for a gathering but got a bit distracted. Its not that we didn't want to go... its just... well... Zac said he'd go if Mark went, Mark said he'd go if I went so naturally I said I'd go just the be difficult. So Maskell drove us to UWA where Zac was parked, we (minus Alex) drove around for a bit and stopped at Red Rooster for "fortification" as none of us planned on drinking at the party. So we're at Red Rooster and I get a call from Maskell - she's cooking marinated chicken - do we want any? More chicken? Yes. Well. Sort of. And we end up standing around a bbq chatting away as she cooks her chicken. Then somebody said they hadn't seen the Life of Brian. You HAVE to have seen the life of Brian at some point in your life. We watched the Life of Brian - it was good (although Holy Grail is arguably better). Life of Brian ends, 80's hits countdown comes on. Zax's (that's it, that's the 7th time I've spelt Zac's name that way and that's how its going to stay!) cousin called and we watched the countdown. Soph wonders where we are and we tell her we'll be there soon. We chat to Zax's cousin and watch the countdown some more (The Final Countdown didn't win! Why? why?). Somebody discovers a boardgame type thing. Somebody discovers a frizbee type thing. Start to fear for my safety if we don’t go to Mike’s.
The most fun thing you can do is arrive at a party almost four hours late. Naturally, by this time everybody was quite pissed (and naturally denying that fact) and so the group of us was dutifully followed around until it was time to leave. We missed making ‘grass-angels’. Damn.

Sunday
Then came Easter Sunday which was good for a number of reasons (in no particular order) i) chocolate and ii) Mark asked me out, which was absolutely lovely of him, and a first for me. Yes – I’m one of those innocents that you see on “news” programs such as Today Tonight and A Current Affair. From this I also discovered how fast news/gossip travels around – I had Kirani on the phone within the hour ‘awww’ing me quite effectively.

Monday/Tuesday
I’m assuming I studied on Monday and Tuesday, mainly because I don’t remember much about those days.

Wednesday
I returned to my house-sitting position (she bought me a parasol from her holiday!!) and so I dutifully looked after Minnie the crazy cat and watched copious amounts of Whose Line and Skithouse on foxtel amoung other, less TV related things… like going to lunch.

Thursday
Driving lesson – Kay tells me scary things about being a bus driver.
Vow never to be a bus driver.

Friday
Have my hair done – make the mistake of saying a sentence with the words "do", "what", "you", and "like" scattered about to a hairdresser. Hair is now layered (which is nice) but unfortunately now spend all day shoveling hair out of my face ala Bernard Black in either The Fixer or Fever, I don't remember which.

*Am sticking a picture in here to help break up the text... I know I always scroll down to see if there are any pictures in a great wad of text*



Norton AV... Bah.

Saturday
My brothers leave for Singapore! Relaxing! Clean! Quiet! Nah, there buying me DVDs, bless ‘em.
Bowling again – first game w/o bumpers – Zax wins (he’s on my championship team) and I score many zeros and a few spares (consistency?)
- second game played with bumpers, used to full extent, one of us almost manages to break machine with errant pin and green bowling ball
After that was Alanah and Megan’s birthday – which was fun despite there being a rift in the juke-box music (rap v the Macerena… the Macerena won out needless to say). All in all good fun, although I do worry about some (you know who you are my dear)

And that in a roundabout way brings me to today.
Monday
8am Calculus is hell
Took my laptop to uni in the hope of doing some more chem noting, no such luck. Two hours of Hangaroo later and our best score is only 6/10… damnable Cuban basil and mountains that have ‘j’ in their name.






Oh lordy… “A mild sense of menace”… Ice Age 2 is PG because of a mild sense of menace. In that case here’s my scale:

No menace = G = Teletubbies(No) Paint Drying(No) Example?
Mild sense of menace = PG = All Disney Films or any show in which there is a problem that needs to be solved. Also, Sophie when she tells you she’s “planning something”... in fact put that one in the next section
Intermediate Sense of menace = M = Harry Potter (yes, just him), the Howard Government, axolotls
Substantial sense of menace = MA = Tele-evangelists, those adds for sms competitions in which the fine print reads “$4 for all messages sent and received. Total number of 15 messages recieved per month. To stop messages text your soul to…”
Menacing sense of menace = R = Clowns



Ok. Am done rambling. Must do some work... perhaps will read through Crim assignment/watch the comedy festival from last night.

Till later then,
C.


PS - things start to get a little wierd about half-way down this post, mainly because the ruddy thing deleted itself on me and needed to be retyped after about an hour of careful yoga-esque relaxation techniques.

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

Events, Important and Upcoming

15th March - Billy Connolly @ the Convention Centre

6th April - Judith Lucy @ the Octagon

20th May - Adam Hills @ the Octagon

Gotta love that bocs website! : p

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

Spot the Superfluous Apostrophe Update

Thanks to the jenius for this one:
"Purchase 6 Vittoria Coffee's and enjoy your 7th FREE OF CHARGE"

So as to my understanding this sentence could either be saying "Purchase 6 Vittoria Coffee is and enjoy your..." or alternatively the "and" in there may belong to the "6 Vittoria Coffees" but even then it should be "Vittoria Coffees' "

When will the madness end?!

Saturday, January 28, 2006

"They say the glass is half-full, but they don't say of what."

I'm sure everybody knows that old question 'Is the glass half-full or half-empty?'
If you answer "half-full" then you're an optimist, answer "Half-empty' and you're a pessimist. Simple really.
Unfortunately, I've always found this black/white approach a bit lacking and so I'm going to utter those four little words that will render everything I'm about to say ridiculous.

I have a theory.

It's not a wildly innovative or conspirital theory, its just a little theory that's been swirling around my head and trying to get out. So as not to risk talking to myself (which is essentially what I am doing right now), I figured I may as well place it on the internet so it won't be alone in its oddity.

I believe that to fully understand the relative capacity of the liquid inside the glass in question we must first look back into the history of the glass itself. Mainly: How did the glass get to its present half-full/half-empty state?
To my mind there are two ways this could happen-

Situation 1: An empty glass is filled from an external receptacle only up to the half-way mark. The motive behind this half-fillage is irrelevant; all that matters is that the glass has been half-filled. Thus the glass is now Half-full.

Situation 2: A full glass is emptied into an external receptacle until half the liquid has been removed from the glass. Again, motive is irrelevant and unknowable. All that matters is the fact that this glass has been half-emptied and thus the glass is *tada* Half-empty.

So really, until we can fully understand the circumstances under which the glass came to its present state of being, we cannot pass judgement upon the glass' fullness/emptiness and hence cannot use it as a measure of a person's tendency towards the positive or the negative.
Think about it.

Right, now that I've run out of conjunctions I'm off to experiment some more...
Cheerio!
C.

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Spot the Superfluous Apostrophe

I have discovered a new game entitled 'Spot the Superfluous Apostrophe'.
Being the grammar nazi that I am, nothing shits me more than a superfluous apostrophe.

So, I'll get us started with "Leederville Auto's" and "Cheap CD's"
Let me know if you find any more.

On another note - Science/Law at UWA here I come!! : p

Cheerio,
C.